fff...fff....fff...fear

I find myself sometimes scared...well...shitless.
Not because I watch too much news or because I think some terrible thing is going to happen to me. Sometimes I am afraid because I know that at the end of the day, no one is responsible for me, but me. Sometimes I am afraid becuase I feel the responsibilty for the life of my child. Sometimes I am afraid because I can't quite tell which is more terrifying....a life of happiness, or a life of struggle. In these increasingly frequent moments I long to be held.

Perhaps it is primal, like a child crying for their mother. Perhaps it is spiritual, a person crying out to their god.

Can all fear be held in a strong man's arms?
And if so, does the strong man never fear?
But if he does, who is to hold him?

I wonder....

Stand By...You

I am so thankful for all the standing my friends and family have done with and by me. Love you....

Birthing Day

Inexorably drawn to the darkness,
The tides rise and fall.
Held in the hand of the night.
Held in the heart of creation.

Mutual surrender, blissful silence,
Broken only by the moans of light beckoning
In pain without fear.
In love without doubt.

A moment held in eternity,
Released in eternity.
Destiny revealed.

All the forces of the natural world-
Conspired and delivered on their promise.
Gleaning a truth where thoughts are of the stars, and man exists without body;
Where all the love in the universe can be held in a new mother’s arms.


I love you Kyle. You are the greatest blessing in my life.
Happy 4th Birthday!

Love,
Mama

Breakfast

"It's best to try to believe at least three impossible things before breakfast."
-from Alice in Wonderland

"Rise" -Eddie Vedder

Such is the way of the world
You can never know
Just where to put all your faith
And how will it grow

Gonna rise up
Burning back holes in dark memories
Gonna rise up
Turning mistakes into gold

Such is the passage of time
Too fast to fold
And suddenly swallowed by signs
Low and behold

Gonna rise up
Find my direction magnetically
Gonna rise up
Throw down my ace in the hole

Long Road To Yourself

I'm thinking there is a melody for this, I just don't know what it is yet! It's more writing inspired by my 33 pages of contemplation. If anyone has a suggestion for a type of sound/vibe for the melody I'd love to hear.
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"Long Road to Yourself"
5-23-2009
By:Alisha Brown

Symbol of hope
Better than you
Better than me
Pure potential
Talking yourself into anything

Practical matters
Good enough for you
Good enough for me
Self-denial
Talking yourself into anything

Chorus:
Finding the long road to yourself
Everyone and no one to blame
So sure that despite yourself
You will find your way

A diet of fear
No courage for you
No courage for me
Dreams tempered
Talking yourself out of everything

(Chorus)

Meaning for you
Meaning for me
Talking yourself into anything

33 pages of contemplation..now a poem

A ship at sea
A baby in a cradle

Fooled into accepting the sanctuary
of the rocking world.

Lulled into peace amidst the uncertainty
by the dancing mobile of stars.

Nothing has meaning,
yet nothing is meaningless